Focus Keywords: 

Emotional Spending
Decision Making in Sales
Psychology of Buying
Selling with Emotional Tension
Customer Buying Behavior
Emotional Tension in Sales
Sales Strategies for Business Owners
How to Increase Conversions
Emotional Control in Buying
Marketing for Emotional Decision Making
Optimized Lending
Increase Deal Flow
Customer Buying Journey

The moment you realize it’s not about the product—it’s about control. Every purchase, from the smallest impulse buy to the big-ticket splurge, is about feeling like you’ve finally got a grip on something in your life.

Here’s where most people go wrong: They think they’re buying something to get a feeling, but that’s not it at all. The truth is, you’re buying to resolve the tension between desire and lack. The desire for control, for status, for validation—those aren’t just fleeting emotions. They’re real, powerful forces that pull you in.

You don’t just want the thing; you want the ownership of control of the emotion it represents. And until you make the purchase, that feeling of lack—that tension between desire and what you don't yet have—continues to build, making you feel incomplete, unsettled.

But once you hand over that money, whether it’s cash or credit, the tension vanishes. You don’t just own the product—you own the liberation of that tension. You now control that gap between desire and lack. It’s a resolution. A moment where your subconscious finally says, 'I’m in control. I’ve got this.'

When you finally realize the truth—that all your purchases weren’t about getting something, but about resolving that underlying tension—it hits you hard. It’s almost like a weight lifts off your shoulders, and suddenly everything makes sense. All the times you’ve felt the pull of desire, the sense of lack, the way you justified spending—it was never about the thing. It was about the feeling of control you were trying to buy. And that realization? It’s eye-opening. It makes you rethink every purchase, every choice, every moment of desire.

I’ve been there too. I’ve felt the exact same tension—and I’ve seen how it plays out every time. It all starts when you encounter a problem, or a desire, triggered by something you see or realize you’re incapable of achieving on your own. You know there’s something missing, but you’re not quite sure what.

So, you start searching for solutions, trying different things, all while hoping you can resolve the tension without having to commit. Maybe it’s a new strategy, a DIY fix, or just ignoring the issue. But the tension builds. Every attempt to fix it only highlights how big the problem really is. And before you know it, you’ve spent weeks, even months, trying to avoid the inevitable—only to realize you’ve wasted time, and written it off as a sunk cost.

The tension isn’t gone, though. In fact, it’s worse. That voice in your head saying "What you resist, persists" keeps ringing in your ears. You know you can’t keep ignoring it, but the thought of making a decision feels overwhelming.

And then, out of nowhere, something happens. A brilliant marketer, with a deep understanding of human decision-making, injects just the right momentum into the situation—a deadline, an incentive, a limited-time offer. Suddenly, you feel the weight of indecision lift. You buy without blinking. Not because you’re chasing status or trying to impress anyone (honestly, I don’t care what people think!). But because the tension, the indecision, is finally resolved. The feeling of liberation washes over you.

Now, you’ve made the purchase. You feel proud. In control. For a few hours, anyway. Until that creeping doubt sets in. The buyer’s remorse. "Did I really need this?" The tension may have gone, but the emotional rollercoaster is far from over.

At first, I thought I could bypass the tension and resolve the issue without making a purchase. I tried everything: endless research, free alternatives, and making-do with what I already had. But every time I hit a wall, the tension only grew stronger. I realized I was just procrastinating, avoiding the decision that deep down, I knew would resolve everything.

There were times when I told myself, "I’ll just figure it out myself. I don’t need to spend money to solve this." But the truth was, I was wasting time. My attempts to DIY my way out only made the problem worse. It was like trying to push a boulder uphill—it just kept rolling back down.

And that’s when I had a huge realization. Not just about my own experience, but about the businesses I was working with. I saw how so many business owners were bypassing real revenue simply because they weren’t reflecting on the tension their potential buyers were experiencing. They didn’t consider what was happening before and after the buying decision—the emotional rollercoaster that every prospect goes through when deciding whether to commit or not.

I realized that to truly connect with a buyer, you need to address that tension. You need to understand what they’re feeling when they’re on the fence, the frustration of being caught between desire and indecision. That’s when the sale happens—not in the features of the product, but in helping them resolve that tension and gain control over their decision.

The hardest truth I had to learn was that traditional sales tactics weren’t enough. I thought that if I could just generate enough desire, people would buy. I focused on making my product look irresistible, ticking all the boxes, hitting all the emotional triggers. But what I didn’t realize was that desire alone wasn’t enough to close the deal.

The truth is, people don’t buy because they want something. They buy because they need to resolve the tension between their desire and their lack. That feeling of uncertainty, of indecision—that’s what’s really stopping them from pulling the trigger. And if you’re not addressing that emotional tension, you’re leaving money on the table.

The big shift happened when I stopped focusing on "closing the deal" and started focusing on helping my customers resolve their tension. When I understood that, everything changed. The sale became less about pushing someone into a decision and more about guiding them to the resolution they were already craving.

The transformation came when I shifted from trying to ‘sell’ to understanding my customers’ emotional needs. I realized that the tension between desire and lack was always the real hurdle. Once I acknowledged this, I stopped seeing my customers as prospects to "close" and started seeing them as individuals with emotional conflicts that needed to be resolved.

But here’s the thing: We all know that it takes time and effort to go from purchase to outcome. Our buyers know this too. What they want, more than anything, right after they make the purchase, is peace of mind. That feeling of euphoria. They want to believe that, with this purchase, they now have the power to achieve whatever it is they desire—whether it’s impressing colleagues, catching an intruder, being desirable, losing weight, or even earning 8 figures. The control is right in their hands. They just need to apply the solution.

And that’s where the magic happens. When I started aligning my offer with the resolution of this emotional tension, everything shifted. My job wasn’t to convince them to buy; it was to help them feel the relief of having control over their journey. The sale became less about a transaction and more about empowering my customers with the feeling that they had already taken control of their future.

Once I started focusing on the emotional tension and helping my customers resolve it, the results were undeniable. Sales didn’t just increase—they became more aligned, more genuine, and more fulfilling. Customers felt heard, understood, and most importantly—empowered to take action.

Take, for example, my friend and former client, Dominick, who ran a financial lending business. His clients’ biggest tension wasn’t just about getting access to capital—it was about what they had to give up in return. The real pain point wasn’t the loan, but the terms of the loan. People didn’t just want lending; they wanted lending at the best possible terms for their specific needs.

We worked together and developed a concept called 'Optimized Lending'. This wasn’t based solely on income, but took into account investment, inflation, and interest to offer a rate better than the banks. The results? A 15% increase in deal flow. By focusing on resolving the emotional tension of clients who feared they were getting a raw deal, Dominick didn’t just close more deals—he built lasting trust and loyalty.

If you're ready to increase conversions, build stronger customer loyalty, and create more aligned sales, I invite you to join my virtual workshop this weekend, Saturday from 9 am - 1 pm PST. During this workshop, we’ll dive deep into resolving your clients' emotional tension and using it to boost your sales and create lasting customer relationships.

Click on the button below. I look forward to helping you unlock the power of emotional resolution for your clients, so you can take your business to the next level.